The Comedy of Errors

I'd like to thank Microsoft for inspiring this tale, and Shakespeare for inspiring the style. Although names have been changed, all events actually happened. Conversations have been simplified but subject matter and time periods remain the same.

Dramatis Personae

Solinus, generic Microsoft support officer

Aemilia, myself

Balthazar,_ shop owner_

Act I.

Scene I. Aemilia's Office

Aemilia sits at a desk Aemilia. Alas! Mine computer device hath ceased! What am I to doth?

Thank the gods it hath a warranty

Enter Solinus Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. Mine computer hath kicked the bucket, can thee repair t?

Solinus. Of course, just giveth t to us and we'll sendeth a new one

Aemilia. O summer's day; hither tis

Aemilia hands computer to Solinus
Exeunt Solinus

Act II.

Scene I. Aemilia's Living Room

3 weeks have passed, Aemilia sits on a couch Aemilia. The sands of time are passing by, whither is mine computer?

Enter Solinus Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. I gaveth mine computer to thee 3 weeks past, at which hour I do beseech you expect t back?

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene II. Aemilia's Living Room

Some time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. My most humble apology, we hath lost the computer. Doth not despair, we have despatched a new one to you to beest delivered to thy residence at 2 Apple street

Aemilia. How, how? I liveth not th're, wh're didth thee receiveth yond addresseth?

Solinus. Yond's the addresseth thee gaveth

Aemilia. Tush, tush, I has't not hath lived thither for 3 years, I liveth at 5 Henley street

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene III. Aemilia's Living Room

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. My most humble apology, we has't hath sent t to the wrong addresseth. I has't escalat'd t to redirect t to thy home

Aemilia. Can thee bid me at which hour 'twill arriveth?

Solinus. T shouldst arriveth in several days hence

Exeunt Solinus

Act III.

Scene I. Aemilia's Office

Several days have passed, Solinus stands in the room Solinus. O Aemilia, Aemilia, wherefore art thou Aemilia? We w're unable to redirect thy comput'r, prithee contact us lief

Exeunt Solinus
Enter Aemilia

Aemilia. I hath heard Solinus speaketh but that gent hast gone anon, I wilt findeth that gent immediately

Scene II. Aemilia's Office

Some time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. Thee w're looking f'r me Aemilia, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. Aye, thee hath left a message

Solinus. We w're unable to deliv'r thy addresseth to 2 Apple street

Aemilia. But I liveth not there, t shouldst beest hath sent to 5 Henley street

Solinus. T wast hath sent to the addresseth did provide, we can't redirect t

Aemilia. Fie, fie. I didst not giveth yond addresseth, thee madeth a misprision

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene III. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. My most humble apology, I can seeth yond th're wast a misprision madeth and thy computer wast hath sent to the wrong addresseth

Aemilia. Buzz, buzz, can thee sendeth t to mine own addresseth anon

Solinus. T can beest did collect from the st're

Aemilia. But I cannot v'rify mine own identity, mine own addresseth is diff'rent from yond on the parcel

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene IV. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. My most humble apology, I shall arrangeth to deliv'r t to thy addresseth. What is thy pref'rr'd addresseth?

Aemilia. I already did provide t with mine own 'riginal repaireth requesteth. Much!

Solinus. Aye, I can seeth yond h're. I shall has't t hath sent to 5 Henley street

Exeunt Solinus

Act IV.

Scene I. Aemilia's Office

Another week has passed, Aemilia sits at a desk Aemilia. Anoth'r week hast hath passed, and still nay computer

Enter Solinus Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. I hath sent mine own computer to thee a month past and I still has't not t backeth. I spake to someone a week ago but haven't hath heard aught since

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene II. Aemilia's Office

Some time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. The parcel is waiting f'r thee to collecteth at the st're

Aemilia. Alas, I wast toldeth a week past t wouldst beest hath sent to me

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene III. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. T can beest did collect from the st're

Aemilia. Peace, fool, I can't v'rify mine own identity to collecteth the parcel as the addresseth is inc'rrect

Solinus. We hath used the addresseth thee did provide, t wast hath sent to 2 Apple street

Aemilia. O me! I didst not provideth yond addresseth, mine own addresseth is 5 Henley street

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene IV. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. I shall arrangeth f'r someone to collecteth the parcel and deliv'r t to thy pref'rr'd addresseth

Aemilia. Can thee confirm what pref'rr'd addresseth thee has't listed?

Solinus. We has't 5 Henley street list'd h're, we shall deliv'r the computer to yond addresseth

Exeunt Solinus

Act V.

Scene I. Aemilia's Office

Several days have passed

Aemilia. Anoth'r week hast hath passed, and still nay computer

Enter Solinus Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. I'm still waiting f'r mine own computer to beest deliv'red, much timeth hast hath passed

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene II._ Aemilia's Office_

Some time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. I spake with the messeng'r, who is't hast deliv'r'd the computer

Aemilia. Push! Is't in mine own house? Then t hasn't been deliv'r'd!

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene III. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. The parcel is waiting f'r thee to collecteth at the st're

Aemilia. I cannot collecteth t from the st're as mine own details list'd on t art false

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene IV. Aemilia's Office

More time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. I shall arrangeth f'r someone to collecteth the parcel and deliv'r t to thy pref'rr'd addresseth

Aemilia. Can thee confirm what pref'rr'd addresseth thee has't listed?

Solinus. We has't 5 Henley street list'd h're, we shall deliv'r the computer to yond addresseth

Aemilia. Can thee confirm at which hour this shall beest done, much timeth hast alreayd hath passed

Solinus. 'twill beest deliv'r'd in 2 to 3 business days

Exeunt Solinus

Act VI.

Scene I. Aemilia's Office

Three business days have passed Aemilia. Hark Solinus! Three days has't hath passed and mine own computer hast still not arriv'd

Enter Solinus Solinus. Good morrow to you kind lady, how may we assisteth thee?

Aemilia. I wast toldeth mine own computer wouldst beest deliv'r'd by the present day and t still hasn't arriv'd

Solinus. Who is't toldeth thee yond?

Aemilia. I spake to one of thy colleagues and those gents hath said t wouldst beest deliv'r'd in 2-3 days, and t's anon been 3 days.

Solinus. Give me leave awhile, I will findeth out

Exeunt Solinus

Scene II. Aemilia's Office

Some time has passed
Enter Solinus

Solinus. The parcel is waiting f'r thee to collecteth at the st're

Aemilia. I wast toldeth t wouldst beest deliv'r'd, be hanged! Hast nothing been done?

Solinus. T wast unable to beest deliv'r'd to thy addresseth, thee needeth to collecteth t from the st're

Aemilia. What addresseth is yond? t hast nev'r been deliv'r'd to mine own addresseth

Solinus. Thee gaveth the addresseth 2 Apple street

Aemilia. Blessed fig's end! I nev'r gaveth yond addresseth, yond wast thy misprision!

Solinus. The only option is to collecteth the parcel from the st're

Aemilia. Then wherefore wast I toldeth yond t wouldst beest redirect'd to me multiple times. When, Solinus, when?!

Exeunt Aemilia

Scene III. Aemilia's Office

Some more time has passed, Aemilia sits at her desk
\[A carrier pigeon flies into the room and drops a letter]

Aemilia. Dear Aemilia, our lasteth conv'rsation end'd abruptly.

The messenger is unable to redeliv'r to thy addresseth, the only option is to picketh up the device from the st're. Thee only has't to v'rify thy nameth, not thy addresseth.

I hath asked f'r an exemption but the messenger shall not deliv'r t. The only oth'r option is to collecteth t from the messenger's house.

If 't be true thee doth not picketh up the parcel at the messenger's house, those gents shall sendeth t backeth to us and 'twill taketh weeks f'r us to reship t to thy c'rrect addresseth and mine own mast'r might not but approveth this first.

Kind wishes, Solinus

Exeunt Aemilia

Scene IV. The Store

More time has passed, Aemilia speaks to Balthazar at the store counter Aemilia. Prithee kind sir, the parcel wast hath sent to the wrong addresseth

Balthazar. We wilt v'rify thy addresseth

Aemilia. But I liveth not th're anym're

Balthazar. We needeth to v'rify bef're thee can collecteth thy parcel

\[Aemilia burts into tears]

Aemilia. I haven't hath lived th're in 3 years, seeth on mine own pap'rs the addresseth did strike through sev'ral times

Balthazar. Tis hard to readeth, but aye t seemeth to showeth the addresseth th're. H're is thy parcel

Aemilia. O summer's day; you and your lady, take from my heart all thankfullness!

Exeunt Aemilia

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